Intimacy self-assessment

Incognita


	Elaine Aron (The Highly Sensitive Person in Love, 2000, kap. 3) skrev: Respond to these statements [true or false] by thinking about how you have tended to be in all of your close relationships, romantic or with friends. (1) I feel uncomfortable discussing things from the past that I have felt ashamed of. (2) There are things about me that, if the other person knew about them, would disgust him or her. (3) I worry that something I reveal will make the other person angry. (4) I would almost rather not love someone so that I do not have to worry about losing them. (5) I tend to expect the other person to betray me in some way, in the end. (6) I would be afraid to be spontaneous with the other person. (7) Sometimes when I am close to another person, my feelings are so intense that even though they are positive, I want the feelings to stop. (8) I am afraid that I might do something that hurts the other's feelings. (9) I have avoided being close because I thought the other person was going to control me. (10) A part of me would be afraid to make a long-term commitment to the relationship. (11) I feel uneasy if another person starts depending on me for emotional support. (12) I doubt I can be really close to anyone - little things always annoy me too much. (13) It is difficult to tell this person that I care about him/her. (14) I have avoided chances to become close to someone I wanted to be close to. (15) I have held back my feelings in previous close relationships.

Varje fråga som besvaras med "sant" indikerar en anledning till att du är rädd för intimitet. Ju fler "sant", desto mer rädsla. Även ett enda "sant" är värt närmare reflektion. Detta enligt E. Aron. Och om man svarar "sant" på fler än tre av påståendena (3!) säger hon "you don't need me to tell you that you are very cautious about intimacy in general". :shock:

fråga 1-2: the fear of exposure and rejection
3: the fear of angry attacks
4-5: the fear of abandonment
6-7: the fear of losing control
8: the fear of your destructive impulses
9: the fear of engulfment
10-11: the fear of commitment
12: the fear of being easily irritated
13-15: if you answered yes to any of these, give extra attention to the entire chapter

:shock:

Shit, vad jag är messed up! Kapitlet är skakande läsning med för mig obehagligt hög igenkänningsfaktor. Men oj så konstruktivt att få ord för allt detta! Och konkreta verktyg! Oj, vad jag skall jobba med mig själv!

Om ni är "väldigt känsliga", har lätt för att bli "invaderade" och överväldigade på olika sätt, och känner igen er i de här intimitetsproblemen, kan jag varmt rekommendera den här boken.